most of my teenage was spent battling thoughts..rather ideals,values and morals others had set for me...i cud nva decide whether being accepted by evryone ws imp or not...i was confused...n a mess!!!.....
wt troubled me the most was the notion...."dont focus on the result...do wt u supposed to and u'll achieve results!!!"...i hated it...i dint blv an atom of that....it defied evry bit of logic n sense i held!!!....
i blvd that if results is wt u want n wt u work for...n that s the sole thing,...u will achieve it...drs no doubts abt that,,,,however, i cud nva prove t myself!!!!...that irritated me more....cuz i cudnt uphold what i blvd....
n now this day.....when things have actually fallen into place when i stopped bothering at them...
they seem better now, cuz i'm not all arnd d place tryin 2 sort them....
it wasnt a conscious effort...i jus hpnd 2 stop tryin 2 talk 2 n please veryone...
i dunno if sub-consciously i got tired of tryin 2 do dat in vain....or i learnt t 4m scores of ppl arnd me who wer doin dat....it jus hpnd...
i have no scientific reason, ...no traceable logic,...n no rational reason behind it....!!!
and thats not all,.....at a time,...when the limits of my frustration were being tested,...i did an assignment,...holding least concern abt the opinion of the person i was doin t for........
n acc 2 him, it was great- a visible & positive shift of my thought process & clarity..........whereas while doin d assignment...i was sure it was jus a mixture of common sense - smthn anyone wud be abl 2 come up wd & smthn less extra-ordinary!!!!.............
the events still dun end here....
i was workin on smthn which had 2 aspects 2 t....one that i liked...n i was sure i was gonna do gr8...another one that i was disinterested in but still did t!!!...........
ridiculousness or jus game of nature...i dint kno wt 2 call it when the 2nd aspect turned out better than the 1st....!!!!
i am forced to think, its probably jus the rules of lyff,....but no...it has 2 have a credible reason....smthn tha rationals wudnt negate...smthn that i wud have clear in my mind...n wil sty wd me thru - out......
n not smthn irreverent that my quest Wud end for!!!!!
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